Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm NOT Stiffler's Mom

I’m not Stiffler’s mom
And this isn’t American Pie
If you keep buzzing around me
I’ll swat you away like a fly
Shoo little boy, just go away
You’re like a puppy that’s learned to beg
And I’ve had enough of you
Trying to hump my leg
I’m not a cougar
I don’t look at you and smell prey
But every time you’re sniffing around
I pray you’ll just go away
I know its popular thinking to bag you a MILF
Let go of that thought, get it out of your head
I am never going to be a notch
On the wall behind your bunk bed
I know you think I should be flattered
By all your youthful attention
But it’s hardly paying me a compliment
When everything gives you an erection
I have no need of your amateur fumbling
When seasoned players abound
I don’t want to have to tell you what a clitoris is
Or direct you to where it can be found
It’s time for you to realize
I’m pre-menopause, you’re barely past puberty
And cookies and milk should never be taken
With hormone replacement therapy