Friday, December 31, 2010

Home From War

Daymare demons spiral your head.
There is no rest in your soft bed.
Images of death reveal.
The guilt you hide, but will always feel.
A war of shadows.
Where you once fought.
In sandy back lots where children play
For only it was only peace you wished and sought.
The grass green hills of your childhood remain.
But there, there was no death or dismay

Wife and kids you greet at the garden gate.
They don't see your inner hate.
They don't see your embroiled conscience,
or know the infliction you bare.
They're only too happy to have you home.
Home to love and share.
You are a soldier home.
A soldier home from a war,
Trying your guilt to hide.
Trying to forget the child you shot, that died.

The war was someone else's.
Why should you really care?
It only really strikes home,
when you see a child dying there.
Visions cloud your mind of voices in despair.
Why did he have to die so young?
Why did his mother's have to mourn?
Soldier from another land, please tell us why?
The soldier's forehead frowns.
The answer he can not give.
He was only sent there.
So others have a chance to live.

Now his war is over.
Over in his home he now resides.
But the voices of despair.
Still ring in his head.
He cries to himself in silence.
How can his conscience bare.
The purgatory it must go through.
Knowing he killed a child fair.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Cracked Lungs

i love how the thunder cracks
and rips apart my eardrums
as i stand out in the rain
trying to be hit by a lightning bolt
to see if it warms my heart any

its numb for being frozen
and the rain that seeps
through my skin
trickles in pattern
like a teardrop

and i swear
if i gave you my heart
it would drop twenty more degrees
and shatter on the floor

and my paralyzed fingers
would pick up the pieces
and the jagged edges
would cut my fingertips
and i would bleed on my heart

every beat is slower
with paralyzing poison
pumping through my veins
and arteries
right atrium
and ventricle
poisoning them
suffocating them

and in the end
i'll still be out here in the rain
waiting for the lightening bolt to strike
breathing through cracked lungs......

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

In My Rain

Have you stood in the porcelain
Showered in the cold ice of pain
If you have
My friend
You have stood in my Rain

Staring into the night
The deathly feelings of loneliness
Cowering by your side

Don't feel so empty
Don't feel ashamed
Just step next to me
I've been there before

Looking in the cold white complexion
Not wanting to feel it anymore

Plying open your chest
You see the two beating halves
Mind staring into the cold dark past

Twisted smile creeps around your lips
Visions of harpsichord suicides encompass your thoughts

Why don't I do it tonight
Make it quick
Make it easy
No one will miss me
Come stand next to me
Don't worry
It will all go away

Close your chest
Back away
Learn to love another day

Shut your eyes
Take a breath
Just put this in the back of your mind

Just take a deep breath
Soon you will find
Those lingering clouds will soon part
The thing you feared
New love
Will mend your heart

Those thoughts in your head
Deep and dark as they are
Will soon disappear

That once far off person
Who once believed in themselves
Will soon re-appear

One day you will be able to say
Come stand with me
For you stand in my Rain

Sincerely, Scorned

Dear My Love,

I was faithful to you
Even though I shivered in the darkness
Played with fire
Pined for desire

Disaster came
And struck my soul
To return a favor
Brittle and cold

I was your best console
For I ate your poison
Diseased and trapped
Eerie voices

Abused and dismantled
Your honesty's wrath
Has landed your happiness
Derived in your past

Foolish endeavors
Explains the heart
I cried on your shoulder
Alone in the dark

A soul is enchained
For your love is vain
A broken sparrow
Alone in the rain

Cloudy days of sight
I no longer see the light
Far beyond a pointless needle
A night of endless cries

Below a stature of fumes
An abyss is formed
A sniff of mutilation


Monday, December 27, 2010

Just Stop Sending Me Angels

I closed my distant eyes
And raised my hands in prayer
I wanted to feel Heaven
Animate my mortal soul

You dropped glimpses…
Heaven’s broken essence

I bandaged their wings
Till they flew home…

So as you drop
Your damaged baggage

Just be aware

I’m not reaching for Heaven

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I Thought I Saw Judas Steal A Kiss From Lucifer

And I wandered into
The whites of the walls
That only got closer
That shut myself off
Away from this ugly world
Who never could
Forgive me anyway

I thought I saw Judas
Steal a kiss from Lucifer
Who just sat there smiling at me
As I begged and pleaded
For a bed of roses to
Lay my body to rest
But once again I was denied
As my pain set in
I realized that
Even the empty holes of my heart
Could never mend back together

And it was then that I saw
A thousand laughing faces
Laughing at nothing but unison
Of a worthless kiss that I
Received tonight from a betrayal
Never forgiven of me

Seduction was in reach for me
But I was denied it's envy
A woman of my word
Because that is the only thing
That I will ever let go of
Of which is an honesty so real that
It paralyzed you
As soon as you touched it

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tie A Noose Around My Neck And I Will Hang From The Pleasantries

The stars burn out
In the pale blue sky
While I sing drunken
Helplessly waiting
For the sun to rise

Eloquent breath shall take flight
Through the strictest silence
Where no sound may be
Like a lonely mango-bird
Over restless seas

(So e’eryone may hear)

The swift and lovely dreams
Which travel the waves of slumber
Occupied by thoughts of “now” and “then”
Are meant to carry me to You
Whether they shine or overcast in gloom

Flowers fall, tossed in the breeze
And I swore the river ceased to flow
This essence passes not for a minute
But into every night of sleep
Where are souls bound so fast
And we watched spring unfold from our pillows.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Slipping On Eyelashes

There are these times
When everything slows
And the world comes into focus
So vivid and crisp
And as I reach out I blink
And it all becomes
Just as it was before
And my hand drops as I sigh
Turning inward once more
Finding comfortable shadows
Closing eyes now distorted
With tears for a tomorrow
That has lost all clarity

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Compassion Killed Rhapsody

There’s sadness behind these eyes
Mottled hue of anger and remorse
And I can’t find the room to breath
If I some how change the lines of my prose
I’d sprawl back through infinity
Ravish the euphoria of being truly, completely
Murder ignorance’s smile and break these brittle fingers
Whisper rapine vulgarities in the face of my damask lie
Brush lips with vanity and arrogance-hear sweet nothing
In my ears, white.static.noise
Confound glory and worship retribution and coin the term
And call it God
But I’m lost in this sonata of emotion-
Floating mercurial, fey as moon dust and
Wishing I could move
I’m caught between farewells and
Twisted lust to
But I know you’ll never show your pain
I mean hell, you never showed you cared either

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Ever Still, Ever Dark

I think I've forgotten
How the feel of warmth
Feels with this ice
Overtaking me

I am but a buoy
Miles away from shore
And the yellow-white
Beams of the lighthouse
Fall so short
so far from me

Black are my eyes
Cold is my heart
Purple, my lips
And sore, my soul

My cheeks
Were the fancy
Of Mr. Frost
They sting now
From Jack's kisses

And tears no longer
Make their way
To the bottom
Of my stone face

Because there's no hope left to cry for

Monday, December 13, 2010


He says,
“We’ve got to have a talk”

So I light a cigarette
A dirty little
Nervous habit

He says
“It has been beautiful”

And I smile
Because I am an idiot
And run my tongue across
The filter tip
Of my cigarette

He says
Something about life’s paths
Something philosophical
Something that reeks of such bullshit

I can’t look him in the eye

So I look instead
At the glowing red tip
Of my cigarette

The tiny red tongue
That licks circles around
The fragile, skin-like paper
Leaving soft gray ash
In its scorched wake

The ash is like old lace
It’s pretty
I think irrelevantly

And he is still talking
And my cigarette
Is still burning down

He says
“Things change,
You’ve changed,
I’ve changed.”

And I take a gulping drag
And choke
On the bitter, acrid smoke

As though it were my first time

He is still talking
About life’s paths
(At least, he thinks
I think he is)

While I contemplate
My cigarette’s
Scorching red tip
And violence
Which is never the answer

(What was the question again?)

He says
“Do you know what I mean?”

So I nod
And he looks so relieved
So relieved

My hand moves then, and
The pretty, pretty soft gray ash
Lands on the floor
My cigarette’s

Tiny red swirling tongue
Looks vicious now
And keeps moving downward

He says
“It has been beautiful
and I will always…”

But my cigarette
Has reached
The end of its patience


It's becoming more evident
Much more obvious to me
I thought much more of you
Than you ever thought of me

Was this my biggest mistake
Letting myself think you cared
Was I just your marionette
With heartstrings open and bared

With me left here still thinking
What was false, what was true
So puzzling and so complex
I’m left to await another clue

On my heartstings you played
Each left with a loving memory
Yet I still have those questions
Do you ever think about me

I’m wondering why all the intrigue
Now why all of this mystery
Why am I left here hanging
Your the one that holds the key.


Eve’s Hollow calling me back home
Before it’s too late to recognize that
I wish I could die before the dawn
Breaks yet another wasted
Breath away on me again

I wish the skies would rain down
On me again just so they would
Take away the pain of the
Pictures that live in between the
Multitude of colors that love to echo
Outward through the rainbows
That use to hold me close

So close; so damn close
I almost came to know what
It was like to feel again today;
But I choose to look the other way
Before the same old clouds decomposed
The solitude that prayed I’d
Stick around here like glue for
Just a little longer

Falling down on mudshovels
Closing  in on me making my
Own grave come alive again;
I cant help but sing; sing
Out loud to the wind that carried me
Back home to where I belong forever;
To rest on Halos empty smiles digging
Me yet another happy place to stay
Forever silent; while you watch another star
Fall from grace just like me

Poetic Masterbation

My mind switch
Goes on

And again
Without any…

…God I just want him to pull my arms again
Back over my head
And run the side of his skin
Up and around



As it rips
With periodic beats of self mutilation
Or is it self preservation
With the absence of

His lips
Sliding summer heat
Around my neck

While his breath
Shakes its way into


Tell me how much more
Can one soul

With all my thoughts of…

Left alone

Make sense
Of this blood rushing

Life consuming


Existing Madness Expanded

Existing on a plane of insanity
I rabidly but rapidly let go of my humanity
The cannibalistic nature of my writing utensil devours the page
Bleeding out incessant knowledge as if I were a sage
Frustration, aggravation matters not to my location
Obligation, violations only blatant confrontation
I scribble, then I scratch, then I claw through the paper
The destruction of a sheet not stronger than a wafer
I frantically embark on a journey through the words
Shockwaves can be heard from the sands to the birds
Increasing in intensity, the notebook burns
Hurricanes now surge these volcanic terms
Explosions now blinding, I’m too mad to think
That this whole entire time…
My pen had no ink…

Assuming Makes An Ass Of You

Not quite exactly evidenced based
But make no mistake
I’ll be right up in your face
Until you’re counting the pores on my skin

It’s just my passionately-fueled
It’s meaningful
And rock fucking solid

And did I mention
That I think I’m right

I’ll count the moment spent waiting
For your head buried in the sand


Not quite prepared enough
To be swallowing my pride
Followed by a delicate foot

Like sand scratching its way
Past my overworked windpipe

See the proof of my accuracy
Has been mauled
Once again
By my stupidity

Deep fried insecurity

I should learn how to keep my fucking mouth shut

Butterflies And Broken Bones

And I am sad that
The truth is the truth
And I can’t sugar coat
And toss it in rainbows
And make it less hurtful

Like the blow will
Purge itself and flutter

And I am laden with lies
Like you
And everyone

But when the words cut you
And there’s nothing to say

I can hide
In the back of your throat

And scream until you
Flush the spoils
From your veins
And the tiles look less
Of white and more of
Vermillion satin
Water colored

And I can paint with you
And fill the voids with
Cotton because
It’s better to bandage
The wounds and walk

And you will heal
And I will leave you

Dwelling like an
Animal in t he dead of winter